When she wakes up in the morning, she thinks about studying. She’s wanted to be an archaeologist since she can remember, and now she’s a freshman in college and majoring in anthropology (of which archeology is a subfield). “It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do,” she says.
But she needs a cup of coffee. And a bagel. Now she’s ready. She rolls her shoulders, cracks her neck, and looks at the first book. “Ancient Mayan Civilization”. But she didn’t go on a run yesterday. And because she’s studying, she won’t have any other time to run today. So she loads new music into her IPod, changes into workout clothes, and goes running.
When she returns, she showers. And she gets dressed. And she is again ready. Page 1. “Initially inhabited around thirty thousands years ago…” But she hasn’t checked the news today.
She checks online. And finds a funny story about picketing workers in Plymouth, New Hampshire. She’s from Plymouth, New Hampshire! She logs onto MySpace to send the story to her high school friends. It’ll only take a minute.
It’s been over a day since she’s been on MySpace and there are messages from her friends. She quickly responds. And updates her profile. And looks at the time on her cell phone. And remembers that she has to meet Barry for lunch in half an hour. She changes, again, and goes to lunch.
When she returns to study, a few hours later, she’s tired. So she walks to the coffee shop. While walking, she thinks about the studying she’ll soon be doing. “Total focus,” she whispers. “Come on, total focus.”
She’s back home and ready. Page 1. “Initially inhabited around thirty thousands years ago…” But… “fuck”… “no” … just one more thing.
And another thing. And on and on…
Until the day is over and she’s ready to fall asleep. But she can’t sleep. Because she is sad. She knows what she wants and she knows what she has to do to get it. But she just can’t do it.
“Tomorrow will be different, better,” she mutters aloud. But she doesn’t believe it. Because she says it every night. And nothing changes.
*****
When he wakes up in the morning, he picks up a guitar before even peeing. He heard once, somewhere, that Jimi Hendrix used to do that. He plays some of his newer songs before going to the office. He doesn’t need to get dressed because, in all likelihood, he’s wearing his clothes from the day before.
He usually remembers to pee when he walks into the office. “One sec, Dan,” he’ll say. When he emerges from the bathroom, we’ll sit for a few minutes and talk about philosophy that’s relevant in our lives. For instance, today he said, “I’d really like to see you write about the mind and body, and balance, because there’s something different that I think we’re bringing to the table. He explained more until he knew that I agreed, and that I understood…
Then, always, he walks into his office, closes the door, and starts coding (inventing technology). His focus is maniacal. But it only lasts for an hour or two before he eyes get blurry. That happens when he forgets to drink or eat. He doesn’t care so much about eating, but he’s thirsty.
So he knocks on my door and asks me if I want to walk to the market with him. We walk. And we talk about whatever we’re working on. “It’s wonderful,” he usually says about his code. And I know that he’s right.
After stocking up with a two-liter bottle of Diet Mountain Dew and, maybe, a protein bar, he returns to his desk. He codes, maniacally, for hours. Until his fingers shake. Until his body tells him that it isn’t advisable to code any longer. Then he knocks on my door.
It’s usually late in the evening. And we are both done. So we get dinner somewhere. He eats sparingly, drinks a few glasses of wine, and talks about whatever moves him. Sometimes it’s code. Sometimes it’s music. Sometimes it’s physics. Or a new book. Or an interesting person he met on the street. Or the woman who, these days, is in his heart.
Then he drives home. And he reads Harry Potter. Or he works on his new theory of gravity. Or jams with fellow musicians. Or courts that special woman. Until his day is over. And he falls asleep. Immediately.
Nothing to contemplate. Nothing to regret. Everything to look forward to.
*****
When she asked me for advice, I told her about him. She said thank you.
I say, “Thank you.” I’ve been procrastinating for days… I needed this.
A very moving post… It speaks volumes to those of us who just can’t seem to get started with… life.
Brilliant. Reminds me of a quote, “always do your best.” Your best will change from activity to activity, moment to moment, but if you know you did that, then there really are no regrets.
Threw me back to college days and snapped me back to today, another Sunday. Never on time, always in time. Thanks for this nifty tale.
It’s beautiful…
But I do not understand, how did it help her?
Ha, I’m the girl when I *have* to do something, and the guy when I *want* to do something
That was great. I’m a freshmen and classes start tomorrow. Thank You for the advice.
sometimes, about once in a year, i am “him” for a few days. then I become “her” again.
Just perfect…
Oh, this made so much sense!
I’m like that man :o) What happens today is no indication of what might happen tomorrow; therefore I awake each morning (thankfully) and look forward to what might be
Never put off doing something til tomorrow, for tomorrow might never come. DO IT TODAY 
Åhh your blog breaks my heart into peaces, I dont know why, it just moved me so, maybe it`s me and my own feelings, I dont know.
Anyway very moving
Just me
I relate to the man…. but my name is Barry, and I am (originally) from Plymouth New Hampshire. Freaky…. Whats that mean?
perfect for people who visit reddit everyday . . . i will read your blog again. Perfect. Especially since school starts tomarrow. Thanks for the inspiration and great style of writing that brought across the meaning. [...more praise...]
I have always had a problem with procrastination. And I’ve been worried because I am starting at a new college in a few weeks. It is a second chance, a new start, and I’ve been worried I may waste it.
This was amazing for me to read at this point in life.
Thank you.
You know, this little vignette made me very sad. Because I see so much of myself in the girl, up to, and including the burning desire to be/accomplish my dreams.
And ironically I am commenting on your blog instead of doing what I should be doing.
At first I didn’t get it! But then I decided to reread the post and then I finally clued in. It’s something I’ve been thinking about, but I haven’t been doing.
Thanks I needed a little inspirational kick in the pants
hehe…very nice. I relate to the girl most of the time…but now reading it kinda makes me think, wow, maybe I should just find what moves me, and stick to that. Wish I had something like “coding” I could be doing all day. I mean, I code all day, but it has yet to move me.
My horoscope said I was supposed to have an epiphany on a full moon X_X (yes I read horoscopes)…
I know what to do tomorrow!
I used to be really good procrastinating. Best cure is to have somebody else depending on you. :O)
Great post. I needed a read like that today
awesome, like everyone else i am happy and thankful for reading this little nudge
qoute/I used to be really good procrastinating. Best cure is to have somebody else depending on you. :O)//
codependence ewww :[ lol. uncramped selfresponsibility is better :p
Nice work man…inspiring.
She’s entirely like me. But I also want to know: how did hearing his story help her? Doesn’t she already know she wants to be like that, and simply has trouble *being* that way?
I understand the story, but I don’t understand how this is going to help her. Can somebody explain it?
When I am able to strive for something I believe in, no matter how hard or tedious or even unpleasant the work, I am him. 12 hour days, 15 hour days, 7 day weeks, whatever it takes to get great things done. When I am him I achieve amazing things. I drop 30 pounds, guys love me, and I am tireless. I do the work of 4 people and everyone in town knows my name. Being him usually exhausts me and sends me plummeting into being her for twice as long as I was him.
Then I become trapped by life, stuck. Whether it is a dull or unpleasant relationship I’ve gotten myself into, entanglements that you don’t just blow off (children, house, etc) that tie you down, or a bad job move, or stuck with no job opportunities at all, I become her. When I am her I am 30 pounds overweight, my hair never looks good, I am dumpy and late for everything. I have 10 projects underway and nothing finished.
It is so easy to slide from him to her but it takes so much effort and determination to get back to him again… I have been him at least 3 times in my life… and been her at least 4 and for longer periods… but now I am old (nearly 50) and I don’t know if I can move back to him again. I think I will die young from the fallout of my him days, or die young from depression stuck in my her days.
I sound manic-depressive but they go haywire and do things like throw themselves through plate glass windows to retrieve keys locked in a house or run away to live like wild people and I am not like that. I always know what I am doing but I just don’t have the energy to sustain being him and I loathe myself when I am her.
Anybody else relate? Your feedback would be appreciated. This post really spoke to me.
I wish I’d read that about 20 years ago.
I’ve been treading water in my life for a while now, it’s time to stop procrastinating and make something of myself for my family. Thanks.
I find that some of the things the “girl” does in place of studying are those things that I find most rewarding. That’s why I was sure to pick a field of study that is aided by understand the world around me, whether it be the way people interact on MySpace or the news stories I find on sites such as reddit. (Which is where I found this delightful vignette)
Yes, I am a procrastinator, but I find that when I am doing something I love, it much easier to focus when I must. And even better, I do not need to be too angry with myself when I forget, as even my procrastination techniques are working to further my future goals in subtle ways.
Perhaps she wants to be an archaeologist, but that does not mean that it is truly what she loves.
Surely having nothing to regret and nothing to contemplate is a bad thing. The second guy is living a constant routined life. He may be content but is he really living life to it’s fullest?
And I don’t get what he has to look forward to? More coding? More guitar? He hasn’t got anything to look forward to because everything he’ll do in future is something he’s already done in the past.
Also a little explanation as to why you told the girl about the guy could be needed. The only real reason is because he managed his time better. (I wonder though how he had time in his day to do so much when she had time to do so little.)
Thanks for post. I’m a girl and I’ve been doing exactly like her on all my weekends, it made every Sunday evening sad.
It’s tough to change your habits, but very possible. Procrastination can be a bad habit that I periodically fall into and have to force myself out of balancing out the things I don’t want to do with the things that I love.
wow how truly familiar this sounds….
Thank ‘you’
“And I don’t get what he has to look forward to? More coding? More guitar? He hasn’t got anything to look forward to because everything he’ll do in future is something he’s already done in the past.”
You can always do things differently and better and there is always more to learn. Especially when you love something.
ah hello thank you very much!!!!! So Cool
Excellent post. I needed that push today.
Hey Dan,
Sorry about this but I seem to have forgotten my manners. Is it alright for me to link your stories? (although I’ve already done it twice) I think you write wonderfully and I just love your simplistic and clean style of writing.
Thanking you in advance.
Doesn’t even take the time to pee before work? Oh man, that’s too much of a workaholic for me…
really gr8.. n true..happened wiht me too.. until i realized that this is my time, not tommorow .so i got up n started out. step by step.. n it was all i wanted..
Two classes of people. Some like to do research/study which involves lot of cramming and getting used to create new ideas and have complete focus on what they do. They don’t like to ‘work’ , like in an office job.
The other class of people are, who love to work , where you don’t have to go through bunch of scientific equations and mathematical theories to be successful. They don’t even like to learn the basics of the job at their undergraduate life. They can get used to it with the training at the job. They are practical.
Now who is better that the other? A personal preference.
Now ‘He’ might not have any ability to work with technical papers or study new subjects. But ‘She’ might possess unusual focus at work. Which way they turn in into, is based on chaos theory.
My life has been paralyzed for a year, going to bed uttering the same as her…..perhaps tomorrow will be better. Good advice, yet I rarely take advice, I am always polite and say thank you.
After reading the first few sentences… it felt like “home” in my mind I mean.
I guess this is just the “motif” of our entire generation, maybe older than 20 and younger than 35.
Why is this oh so familiar to everybody and why am I surprised.
Thinking I’m the only “two-in-one” like this story.
Maybe it’s because people don’t care as much for settling down and security for tomorrow as much as our parents did… maybe we should just travel.
Am I the only one that thinks we should just travel?
“She” probably has some other issues, and would do well to utilize her university’s free mental health counseling service (at least it was free where I went to college).
These days it’s easy to fall into a cycle of procrastination, poor productivity, and depression. There is just so much out there competing for your attention. But who’s looking out for you? If you take a few days break from del.icio.us/popular, reddit, facebook, im, phone calls, coffee (in the afternoon at least), overeating, alcohol, pot, pr0n, politics, gossip, and whatever else is your drug of choice, you will thank yourself after you get over the initial resistance. In place of all those things, you will have more time to reflect on what’s the matter, what’s important to you, what’s really going on here.
And you will learn to concentrate, like the incredibly productive guy. In Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving, he writes “The most important step in learning concentration is to learn to be alone with oneself without reading, listening to the radio, smoking or drinking.” Can you sit alone in a room without fidgeting, or getting lost in a fantasy? It’s not easy, but it can be practiced. And it’s worth every minute you put into it.
I think you changed your profile picture to see how many more people would respond.
Thank you for another wonderful entry. I can really identify with this post!
MNW,
I understand where you are — you are judging yourself by all the “externals”. What you get done, what weight you are, do the guys love you, do the work of 4 people, people knowing your name.
All of these things give you permission to love yourself.
When you are not doing those things, you “loathe” yourself. Or so you say. The truth is that you loathe yourself all the time, but sometimes you give yourself brownie points that distract you from the inner loathing when you achieve external things.
If the guy’s interests were like the girl’s, he would just shift his life so that his job consisted of reading the news and messaging friends.
His inner acceptance of himself and his habits is what makes him so productive. If he did not accept himself, then he could have become a salesman, or accountant, and had to fight his desire to code all the time.
learning to love yourself is a deep art with many rewards.
What happens when ’she’ knows the advice inside out but just finds it impossible to implement it. Like when she has an important paper to read but can’t coz she has to take the time to comment here?
Love your style of writing.
“And ironically I am commenting on your blog instead of doing what I should be doing.”
I blame the internet for 99% of my procrastination. When I get away from the computer I actually can get a lot done. But generally I relate to the woman. Some days just hit the spot and I’m that dude for a while, but otherwise nah. Procrastination, putting things off… thanks for making me step outside my own box and take a good look.
I so understand the how the first one feels, like everything is crushing down on you and you never get anything done. I wish that I was more like the second person, he seems to be the happier of the two.
It moves me…
^^
a very beautiful post
“she” is someone/ something i despite. i see every morning exersizing, then going star’bucking, superficial mind, the typical, the people people.
he is becoming like ” harry from steppenwolf “, 20 years down the road.
great write.
You are a genius….
Now I do not feel so lonely anymore
http://thailandhotel.wordpress.com/
When I got up two hours ago, writing was the first thing I did. I’ve now done 2200 words. This is my first break. Every time I think “I’m hungry, I need to get food,” I then think “Yeah, but I just want to do another 1000 words… It’ll only take an hour or so…”
I think this is what you call “love”.
This is really nice post. You portrayed it well!
U rock !! Excellent post…
Very good read for the morning
The second man is Howard Roark.
It’s his fault that I am doing what she is doing.
THis is life
love it
Very interesting life, I must say!
Does everyone but me get it? How is the story of a successful individual supposed to help an unsuccessful one? That’s like Trump telling a Sudanese refugee to work harder.
And why does she say “Thank you”? I think for the same reason I say Thank You. There aren’t words to explain why.
My. How patronizing. You really should check on your friend’s blood sugar level, instead of tossing parables around.
Damn.. came across this randomly on the front page.
I am that man.. hardcore coding, lack of sustinance, harry potter
, alternative theories of gravity (well, physics in general), guitars..
Can’t say I always fall asleep without contemplation but the parallels are striking.
Cheers mate
I really wanna thank you for this entry. I’ve been a procrastinator since I started school and if not for my mom constantly badgering me to study back in elementary and high school, I would be a procrastinator in the truest sense of the word. Even though a lot of people may have posted this, I still wanna say it. I need that right now. Thank you. =)
Nice story…makes lonely people happy ..thank you!
that was very moving really i mean THANK YOU …
inspiring post
someones day routine is another mans interest.
Thanks for your post!
I used to procrastinate so much with games during my first year in university. I am glad to be so focused and motivated this time around—I can’t wait for classes to start.
If you want to read about my own experience, pass by my blog.
Cheers
The more I procrastinate about doing what I need to do… the unhappier I become. And I find trumendous joy in doing something I love - regardless of what it is.
There must be balance… but it is interesting how our personal successes and happiness is linked to doing what we need (not always what we WANT… for that isn’t ALWAYS the healthy choice) in our lives.
Thank You. I love those light bulb moments!
excellent story, i loved it.
I loved it, as always. I am her, not by choice. I would love to be him and I am surrounded by hims, but I do not think it is my makeup. Thank you for another thought provoking post.
I love it! This is probably the best advice you can give anyone. Ever.
Okay, while I thank you for writing this, I’m going to play nagging… uh… person, for a bit. About 9 blog posts ago I emailed you about Avanoo 2.0, and you said it would be talked about in the next blog post…
So, have you done anything (because I’m positive you have)? If so, I want to know about it. I don’t care if it’s not done yet, I want info, please.
Thank you.
this makes me want to cry - for all of us.
School is starting on Wednesday. I am on page 69 in one book, 30 in another, and one I haven’t even started. One of those books has a paper , too. I also really needed this. I’m going to go read.
Thanks for the post. This is great. A friend of mine often commented on how hard it was to be motivated when you have so much time on your hands, but so easy when all you can spare is 5 minutes.
I think it can all be hard, but we do what we can!
Ah yes, dreams, hopes, wants, planning…
Learning can even be rewarding in balance with doing.
Anyhow, when ‘he’ ask you for advise about obseity, concentration and other sorted health problems tell him about her.
I was going to read your post, but then I remembered that I need to go exercise. Maybe later…
Maybe she should change her major? Find that something that she does without any avoidance. That is a hard one for all of us.
nicely written.
i dont think she want to be archaeologist anymore ;/
Thank You.
that’s some powerful shit.
I’m with Kronikarz on this one. I’m the girl when I *have* to do something, and the guy when I *want* to do something.
Which probably explains why I’m 20 years old and still a freshman in college.